I find myself in a reflective mood as I write this post. Thanksgiving is over and Christmas & New Year’s are just ahead… Both holidays are supposed to be harbingers of joy and good will and hope for a “New Start,” a chance to work towards a better & improved existence…
Sadly, it’s been a good double decade or so since I’ve honestly enjoyed Christmas or New Year’s. This year, for a change, I can actually point to the reasons I’m depressed as the holidays approach.
First and foremost, above all other reasons, I remain unemployed. Despite being put on The Office Team roles in October, I’m still waiting for my first assignment. One of my benefactors from last month provided me a “can’t fail, sure thing” job lead with a janitorial service in Wooddale – no soap, they have no openings but will keep my application on file. And most of all, despite all the on-line applications I submit each & every day on Career Builder, Hot Jobs, Monster, and other similar job boards.
There is no employment to be had – at least not for the likes of myself. I’m not giving up entirely, mind you – I am still looking for and applying for all manner of jobs – but if 9 months’ experience is any indication, there’s little hope on my horizon…
This morning I visited the Center of Concern in Park Ridge. They were recommended to me as a resource for rent assistance. Unfortunately, while they do have a program to assist people in paying their rent, I do not qualify because I have no job… Of course, if I had a job I wouldn’t need help paying the rent. Those fun loving rule makers at the DHS are the ones to thank – they’re the folks funding the program & since it’s their money, they get to set up the requirements for its dispersal…
I’m writing this on December 1st – Rent Day – in the hopes that putting my thoughts in some semblance of order may (just may) allow me to see some possibility of supporting myself that I have overlooked… So far, it’s not working, but one never knows… In the meantime, I have until the 5th to come up with $525 for rent. After the 5th a $20 late fee gets tacked on and the landlord starts thinking about eviction proceedings again…
Other reasons for depression include being ostracized. Over the past nine months my friends & family have been amazing in providing me moral & financial assistance. In the past several weeks though, they’ve begun distancing themselves from me. Can’t blame them really; I’m far from the happy & cheerful rogue everybody knows & loves these days. And then too, my inability to find any kind of meaningful employment in nine full months has got to be weighing on their minds…
One friend has decided I’ve become bitter, argumentative & stubborn of late. Another seems to think that my casually acknowledging the possibility I may not survive till spring is in poor taste. Others won’t accept or return my phone calls. There are very few things quite as disheartening as exile…
It’s a lonely, cold & bitter time here at The Aluminum Harvest…
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